Withholding simply means building a brick wall around myself and shutting others out. I didn't want to get hurt again so I had to insulate myself from the possibility. I wouldn't only let folks get so close and I was always suspicious of them and their motives.  "What do you want from me?" became my constant question and there became less and less of myself I wanted to share. I didn't want to be … [Read more...]

Looking for love in all the wrong places... This is easy to do because we are taught to look for our fulfillment outside of ourselves. I thought I'd find my fulfillment in a relationship or in some activities, but there was always this longing for something more. This "longing" turned me into a chronic run-away. I'd start a relationship and leave it for no good reason. Or unconsciously, I had to … [Read more...]

Simply Ridiculous Behavior #8 I simply call Being a "Screamin' MeMe!" I was pretty passive most of my life, and to be politically and socially correct, I would implode rather than explode. But when I finally exploded I did it in grand style. Anger, frustration, and a rush of other emotions come rushing forth - I think we've all been there. Before I knew it, every wrong ever done against me and my … [Read more...]

Carrying the ball and chain of the past is a ridiculous behavior that makes you feel as though everyone can see the "scarlet letters" of your past. I had made so many mistakes in my past and I felt as if the whole world knew about them. That had me trapped in a feeling that I had to justify everything, continually apologize and kiss up to everyone to prove my worthiness. It took me a while to … [Read more...]

Selective Hearing is about hearing only what you want to hear. I became very good at tuning in to the things that I liked - and tuning out the things I didn't like. Worse yet, I used my own 'inner voice' - (there goes THE OTHER again!), to distort what I heard and read something totally different into someone's words. The result is that my own arrogance, wreckless nonsense, immature intellect, … [Read more...]

Carrying grudges - Simply Ridiculous Behavior #5 - is hazardous to your health! Some of the grudges we all carry around include hidden resentments from some old past hurts, blame and anger around how things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to and lots of other little grievances - some of them dating back to childhood. I took inventory and started writing them down and looking at them. I … [Read more...]

Simply Ridiculous Behavior #4 is "Holding on to the need to be right." There were times in my stubborn past when my attitude was, "I'd rather be put out on the side of a desert road and stand in cactus than admit I'm wrong!" Yes, and this 'my way or the highway' attitude stinks as bad as it sounds, but as far as I was concerned "It’s the Principle of the Matter." I found it easy to focus … [Read more...]

Finger-pointing, blaming, judging and making other people 'bad and wrong' is the twin sister of the Victim Role. As the third of my Simply Ridiculous Behaviors it simply amounted to me not wanting to take responsibility for the creation of my own life and of the Dukkha I had generated. I was so ridiculous at that point that I blamed everyone - including God! (Sound familiar?) Then, in a … [Read more...]