Carrying grudges –Behavior #5 – is hazardous to your health! Some of the grudges we all carry around include hidden resentments from some old past hurts, blame and anger around how things didn’t turn out the way we wanted them to and lots of other little grievances – some of them dating back to childhood.
I took inventory and started writing them down and looking at them. I have to tell the truth, most of them were very petty. And why was I still hanging on to this crap anyway? I had to let those burdensome grudges go because they were weighing me down!
It has been said that hidden resentments are like taking poison yourself and then waiting for the other person to die. You’re only hurting your self and often the other person feels no effect at all!
Often I even claimed, “Oh, I let that go” but upon closer inspection, it was clear to me that I hadn’t. The baggage that I was carrying around affected my perception and interaction with others. I could clearly see it in others, but it was not always so apparent to me – with my own issues.
This is where I came to understand that “its easy to see these things in others, but not always so easy to see them in ourselves.” And the truth is, dukkha and pain from my past hung around until I released it and moved toward my higher good.
My LIGMO philosophy suggest a different attitude…
“Being understanding and forgiving.”
The solution to this is for me was to get outside of my petty little self for a minute and realize that others have pain too and to put myself in their shoes instead of always thinking about myself. I’ve learned to give others grace – the grace that I so desperately wanted for myself.
Now I realize and understand that everyone is struggling with their humanity and I need to back up, let go of judgments and realize how many times I showed my behind and Let it go and Move on.
I also understand that its not about what’s happening – its about “my perception” of what’s happening. My perception colors everything and that’s where many conflicts lie. We just see things differently and as the song goes, “There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy, there’s only you and me and we just disagree.”