Withholding simply means building a brick wall around myself and shutting others out. I didn’t want to get hurt again so I had to insulate myself from the possibility. I wouldn’t only let folks get so close and I was always suspicious of them and their motives. ”What do you want from me?” became my constant question and there became less and less of myself I wanted to share. I didn’t want to be used, taken advantage of, made to feel worthless or treated with less than full respect so I simply withheld myself from others. I hid my feelings, my thoughts, my desires and my pain safely behind a self-constructed brick wall. The problem with withholding is that all that you’re holding in gets bigger and bigger until you either implode or explode!
Now that I’ve LET GO, I’m…
“Realizing that its okay to have feelings.”
… But I am not my feelings. I – like most growing human beings (GHBs) – have feelings – like uncertainty, fear, anxiety, anger, grief, sadness and even happiness, longing, desire and joy. But I am NOT my feelings. These emotions are just fleeting expressions of a fleeting human experience – and they are all good! My feelings and emotions are to be experience and treasured – but not over identified with. And most importantly, not ALL to be acted on! The Bible says be angry but do not sin. So in other words, I can have the feeling of anger and not be in denial – but I can’t act out because of it. The feeling exists – but it doesn’t last forever. Give it a moment and breathe and it will pass.
Life offers a rich landscape of feelings – all for us to know and engage – we need contrast to grow. We can’t just be happy all the time. So now I enjoy the varied levels of emotion that I experience and I don’t over identify with them. I realize that I have feelings, but I am NOT my feelings. I am the ever present consciousness – having a human experience, and with this understanding and some breathing exercises – I can let it pass – then let it go and move on. To my higher good where I belong, of course!