If we create our own heaven or hell right here on earth everyday, I was certainly living in a  hell and jail of my own making! All of my accumulated simply ridiculous behaviors and mindless choices had led me to a living hell. I couldn't blame anybody for any of my misery. Not my parents, not my friends, not my environment, not my lovers, not the system, not the man and NO not even the devil! I … [Read more...]

I was an open and vulnerable soul... which basically means I was gullible! Gullible to the next big thing that would bring me out of the ditch and put me over the top and help me get rich. I put a lot of time and energy into programs that I never really worked for me - or that I never worked - and never got anything from. There is always some shinny, attractive, too good to be true opportunity … [Read more...]

This matrix that we are all living in has us all in such a spin that it takes some real discipline to get a grip. It had me acting confused and topsy-turvy. There were so many distractions and things competing for my attention that I din't know if I was coming or going. Eventually I let overwhelm sweet me under. Everything looked good. Which decision? Which choice? Which relationship? What to … [Read more...]

Attracting all the wrong things is easier than you think. We are all transmitters and receivers - sending out invisible thoughts, feeling vibrations and messages, and receiving them as well.  Whatever we experience is simply an out-picturing of the energy I had magnetized to myself.  All of the mess that surrounded me may have not seemed like a creation of my choosing, but I drew it into my … [Read more...]

Faking and pretending or the need to look good by putting on airs and masquerading is simply ridiculous. I found myself getting into debt, buying a bunch of crap that I didn't need and running up credit cards to buy clothes to hit the streets and look good with the girls. I used to fake it like I knew who I was and act like I had it going on. In reality I was like a lost kitten, just wanting to … [Read more...]

Yes... I spent a lot of time trying desperately to be liked. I used to work overtime to gain the approval and acceptance of others,  jump on the the bandwagon and go along with other people's ridiculous programs, chose "the usual suspects" to hang out with, fell prey to the wrong influences and acted outside of my character - all in an effort to be liked and accepted. HOW RIDICULOUS! It was … [Read more...]

Withholding simply means building a brick wall around myself and shutting others out. I didn't want to get hurt again so I had to insulate myself from the possibility. I wouldn't only let folks get so close and I was always suspicious of them and their motives.  "What do you want from me?" became my constant question and there became less and less of myself I wanted to share. I didn't want to be … [Read more...]

Looking for love in all the wrong places... This is easy to do because we are taught to look for our fulfillment outside of ourselves. I thought I'd find my fulfillment in a relationship or in some activities, but there was always this longing for something more. This "longing" turned me into a chronic run-away. I'd start a relationship and leave it for no good reason. Or unconsciously, I had to … [Read more...]

Simply Ridiculous Behavior #8 I simply call Being a "Screamin' MeMe!" I was pretty passive most of my life, and to be politically and socially correct, I would implode rather than explode. But when I finally exploded I did it in grand style. Anger, frustration, and a rush of other emotions come rushing forth - I think we've all been there. Before I knew it, every wrong ever done against me and my … [Read more...]

Carrying the ball and chain of the past is a ridiculous behavior that makes you feel as though everyone can see the "scarlet letters" of your past. I had made so many mistakes in my past and I felt as if the whole world knew about them. That had me trapped in a feeling that I had to justify everything, continually apologize and kiss up to everyone to prove my worthiness. It took me a while to … [Read more...]